About Quitting

In 2008 I published a book, How To Stay When You Want to Quit; Re-scripting your life from Whiner to Winner. I wrote it a few years before that but it sat in a drawer for a while. Before that it was a speech I gave to a few people who were feeling beaten down by work and before that ... well, I lived most of it.

The story is about two friends who are pressing hard at their careers. One is fortunate to be working with a great boss who has mentored and challenged her to be her best.  Unfortunately the other has had the opposite experience. He has been through a heavy rotation of managers, many of whom spoke a good game but never really showed up to play.

It’s a non-traditional business book in that it’s half screenplay and half workbook. I wrote it in the hopes that others would pick up a few tips they could use to help bring positive action to themselves or others who were disillusioned in their jobs.

Naturally I was thrilled to be asked to participate in Ken Blanchard’s LeadershipLiveCast, “Quit and Stayed” on January 25, 2012. As a recovering quitter I know how tempting it is to whine and blame everything on burnout even if you’re acting like an arsonist. For me, I knew I had to learn how to stay, even though I wanted to quit. So I began to re-script my life from whiner to winner.

I started with my attitude; I began to look at things as challenges aching to be solved, not insurmountable problems. Next I began to question what it was I really wanted? The answer didn’t come right away because I was so entrenched by all the things I didn’t want. So I tried a different tactic and asked myself, “Why are you still here?”  After all, when people want to quit, they quit. When they don’t, it’s because some secondary benefit is being met and usually it’s for one of three reasons.

1. To work on your personal development.


2. To work with enriching people.


3. To work on something bigger than yourself.

Figuring that out helped me stay during a rough patch, It helped me to continue to provide for my family and as a manager helped me to reengage with my coworkers.


As a leader it put me in a better frame of mind and I used the same questions to help those who I saw were mentally quitting.

• What’s going right?


• What do you really want?


• What’s keeping you here?


• What will you do in the meantime?

Most people aren’t going to stay in the same position let alone same industry for their whole career. As a leader, if you can help them get to the next place faster, you’ll both be more engaged and productive.

I hope you’ll be able to join the webinar this week or pick up my book. I’ve learned a few things about people, business and publishing in the time that’s passed since it came out, so I’d love to hear your stories and feedback that I may include in a new edition later in the year.

On Sincerity (Repost from 11/13/05)

Practice what you preach. Act with integrity. These phrases are thrown about frequently along with words like genuine, credible, authentic, sincere.

In the days of the Roman Empire potters and sculptors would fill cracks or imperfections in their work with wax, then glaze it over before selling them at market. When I first heard this, I imagined these beautiful pieces eventually weeping during the heat of the day, the wax melting under the sun, God’s spotlight. When a piece of work was flawless, or the craftsman one of high integrity, a seal was placed on it that read, “sine cere”, a Latin term meaning, “without wax.” These were obviously the most desirable pieces and held up under the toughest of scrutiny.

How often do people today live with sincerity, without wax? It’s easy to impugn public officials; sadly many have not performed well under the spotlight. However, looking inward, I recognize I too have been lax.

In an effort to improve efficiency with my team at work, I have insisted on certain process steps be followed. Yet as I reflect, in expediency, I myself have failed to follow those steps. At home, I have lamented the children to sit up straight, only to later find myself slouching on the couch, mouth agape, staring into the television. How often have others told their kids to clean their rooms only to find stacks of papers, post-its and books strewn about their own office? And how many have shouted, “Stop yelling, it’s not polite.”

Do as I say, not as I do. That’s practicing hypocrisy, not integrity. Others could easily reply, “I can’t hear what you’re saying, your actions speak so loudly.”

Some seem to live by what Jack Canfield calls the 18/40/60 Rule. At eighteen, you think everyone is looking at you. At forty, you don’t care who is looking at you. At sixty, you realize, no one was looking at you. There may be truth to that, but if you are a leader, people are looking at you. They are looking at your imperfections, your weaknesses and your ability to handle obstacles.

I believe if you know your mission and your core values and if you live on purpose and if, as Ken Blanchard says, “you are committed to your commitments”, then you are acting with authenticity. There may be flaws or cracks -- resist the urge to fill them with wax. Instead, think like Michelangelo, rather than hiding any blemishes, keep them exposed and work them into the final piece of art, your life and you will have lived with integrity.

On Sincerity (Repost from 11/13/05)

Practice what you preach. Act with integrity. These phrases are thrown about frequently along with words like genuine, credible, authentic, sincere.

In the days of the Roman Empire potters and sculptors would fill cracks or imperfections in their work with wax, then glaze it over before selling them at market. When I first heard this, I imagined these beautiful pieces eventually weeping during the heat of the day, the wax melting under the sun, God’s spotlight. When a piece of work was flawless, or the craftsman one of high integrity, a seal was placed on it that read, “sine cere”, a Latin term meaning, “without wax.” These were obviously the most desirable pieces and held up under the toughest of scrutiny.

How often do people today live with sincerity, without wax? It’s easy to impugn public officials; sadly many have not performed well under the spotlight. However, looking inward, I recognize I too have been lax.

In an effort to improve efficiency with my team at work, I have insisted on certain process steps be followed. Yet as I reflect, in expediency, I myself have failed to follow those steps. At home, I have lamented the children to sit up straight, only to later find myself slouching on the couch, mouth agape, staring into the television. How often have others told their kids to clean their rooms only to find stacks of papers, post-its and books strewn about their own office? And how many have shouted, “Stop yelling, it’s not polite.”

Do as I say, not as I do. That’s practicing hypocrisy, not integrity. Others could easily reply, “I can’t hear what you’re saying, your actions speak so loudly.”

Some seem to live by what Jack Canfield calls the 18/40/60 Rule. At eighteen, you think everyone is looking at you. At forty, you don’t care who is looking at you. At sixty, you realize, no one was looking at you. There may be truth to that, but if you are a leader, people are looking at you. They are looking at your imperfections, your weaknesses and your ability to handle obstacles.

I believe if you know your mission and your core values and if you live on purpose and if, as Ken Blanchard says, “you are committed to your commitments”, then you are acting with authenticity. There may be flaws or cracks -- resist the urge to fill them with wax. Instead, think like Michelangelo, rather than hiding any blemishes, keep them exposed and work them into the final piece of art, your life and you will have lived with integrity.