Shifting Over

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Giving Thanks Freely

There's been no shortage of bad public behavior in the last few weeks. From civic events and sporting matches to awards shows, few have been immune from ill-conceived and embarrassing outbursts. If rudeness is a pre-existing condition, it may be time for some preventative behavioral medicine. Too often, we forget to show gratitude or kindness.

Some people don’t get excited by the Kumbaya moments of life. Their philosophy is “Just do your job.” If someone does more than they’re supposed to – that’s when you tip your hat with thanks.

While I agree we needn’t throw a parade every time we tie our shoelaces correctly, I sure would have liked one the first time I did! We need to praise progress. Encourage each other. Recognize what’s right. This is basic stuff. Saying please and thank you, being polite and showing gratitude.

Being in a state of gratitude is good for both giver and receiver. How many ways can you say “Good Job!” Here are 132 to start with, so no more excuses. Look over the list and find the phrases that you’re most comfortable with and use them often with your family, children and colleagues.

100 Days Left

There are 100 days left in the year. How does that make you feel?

Are you thinking, “good riddance”? You can't wait for the arbitrary turn of the calendar; you know 2010 will be better. Really? Are you going to throw the towel in already? Maybe you’re anxious, with fourth quarter jitters. You could be excited about the holidays or dreading them.

How has the year been for you so far? Have you achieved everything you first set out to do at the beginning of the year? Looking at your resolutions, are you frustrated or recommitted?

Have you made your mark on the year yet? Just 100 days left. What will you do with them?

Don’t give up. Focus on what you want to accomplish. Determine what resources of time, money and/or people you need to help you achieve your goal and then get to work.

In 100 days, you could make a positive contribution to the world, to your health, your outlook on life, or your family. You need to begin and you need to have a deadline.

Today, you commit. 100 days from today, on Thursday December 31, 2009, celebrate your achievement. Time will not wait for you. Either way that date will arrive. Ready or not. Be ready. 100 days. What will you do between now and then? Begin. Today.

Hug more.

RE: Summer

It’s a weird time of year. Although the heat continues, the summer recess that many people enjoyed often gives way to restlessness. It’s a period of transition as we wash the sand between our toes and slip back into our socks and shoes. Partly we want the relaxation of the season to continue a while longer, yet we also want things to get back to “normal”. Brisk air, turning leaves, kids back to school, new projects, preparation for the fourth quarter; the hours before Labor Day weekend create that tension.

It doesn’t matter if you're raring to roll up your sleeves and tackle something new or longing to keep your pant legs rolled up for another week of vacation, take the time to work on your “RE’s”; the first of course being, Reflection. Here are some others to consider during this time.

• Reevaluate your goals, your progress, and your beliefs. Revisit each of them to make sure that you’re acting authentically and still believe the things you're telling people.

• Renegotiate contracts that no longer work for you. People's expectations change over time. There’s nothing wrong with that. It exemplifies flexibility. So does collaborating to review the terms of long standing agreements you have in place.

• Repair things that are broken. Spend time cleaning up the little annoyances of your life. Fix the squeaky door, an out of control junk drawer or leaky faucet. This applies to relationships too. Everyone has a friendship that’s been neglected, even with all the social media tools available. Forgive, forget or apologize and send them a thoughtful card.

• Rejuvenate. You may have had a vacation that did the trick or maybe you feel like you need a vacation from you vacation. Get to the place that energizes you and just be there and enjoy it, even if it’s only in your mind for twenty minutes or so.

• Renew. Decide on the things you want to keep in your life and physically or metaphorically dust them off. Put them in a different shelf so they stand out. Make them appear new so you can appreciate them again.

• Reapply. Did you fail at something recently? Does that mean you should quit? Take a different approach or just show your grit and try again.

As we get anxious to start new projects, we tend to neglect the things we have for things we want. Often this involves a lot of daydreaming, wishing and yearning. Sometimes this causes the complete abandonment of one goal in pursuit of another, and then another and then another. Reexamine how you are living your life. You may determine you’re good to go and wouldn’t change a thing, or you may uncover a clue to greater success. Either way look, otherwise you will never know.

Remembering Kathi

It has been one month since I unexpectedly and very suddenly lost my sister, Kathi. The days between then and now have been filled with confusion, pain, sorrow, and profound grief. They've also been lightened by laughter, education, friendship, reverence, and a strengthening of love among family.

My sister touched so many lives during her too brief time with us. We were all awestruck to see three full rooms and the foyer of the funeral home filled with well-wishers sharing their respect and humor-filled memories of her.

I was asked to prepare and deliver remarks at her memorial service. Although I don’t entirely know why, I feel compelled to share those words here, on this date. I continue to grieve and like many who lose a loved one, I sometimes wonder if I’m doing it properly.

I suspect there will be periodic dark days ahead. I take comfort in knowing that for me, a lightening sky is emerging from the bleakness of the past month and the ray of light, undoubtedly fueled by Kathi’s laughter, is shimmering on the horizon.

Remembering Kathi Bimshas

November 6, 1956 – July 24, 2009

Today, we celebrate Kathi’s life. Her unexpected passing has left us all in shock. By now she is in the protective arms of both her grandfathers; listening to a lullaby from her grandmother, Ana and sharing jokes --some of which make her giggle and others that produce her trademark burst of laughter, the kind that made her double over and brought tears to her eyes. She has likely offered a wager with someone up there as to which brother will be the first to remind everyone that she was the oldest. A fact she liked to lord over each of us until she turned 29, at which point she claims to have stopped counting the years.

There is a surreal quality to all of this. Kathi would be thrilled to have everyone here and to catch up and share a story of some adventure or misadventure. She could be counted on to attend every family function. I suspect, she always will.

She became the family historian, partly because of her role as the eldest, but mostly because of her love of a good story. And did she love to tell a story. Over and over … this would drive me crazy as a young teen. We did many things together, from running errands to doing laundry to playing games. Knowing Kathi, you know that some event always took place on her outings. It could be a driver who cut her off, or how she burnt water trying to cook hot dogs, or her spotting one of her elusive hawks. Often I would be with her and witnessed whatever happened. She would immediately recap it to me, then she would tell the story to Mom, and then retell it to each subsequent relative she saw, then to friends at work and then, on the anniversary of the event, she would tell the story again. What I came to realize in later years, was that each time she told it, there was no variation. She delivered it pitch perfect every time and with just as much passion or humor the 40^th time telling it as she did the first. Today, I long to hear her recite just one more story.

Kathi always had a childlike curiosity that never went away. She had a tremendous thirst for knowledge, particularly on the subjects she already knew pretty well. If I told her of a bird I saw, her eyes would widen and she would ask, “Was it a Wren or a Finch?”

“I don’t know,” I would shrug, “It was red.”

She loved her books, like Pride and Prejudice, Anne of Green Gables, the wit of Ogden Nash, or a good pulp mystery. She was extremely intelligent, and if you weren’t sure, you could ask her, and she would tell you she was.

Before Wikipedia, there was Kathi. She was a great resource for information, but playing Scrabble was a nightmare for both of us. She would arrange her tiles to spell something like, “Loquacious” to which I would place an “N” under an “O” to create “On”. Her scores were typically triple digit and I was lucky to break into the low twenties.

Kathi loved a good puzzle and liked to be stumped. Never mean-spirited, she hated being tricked, but appreciated wit. I think, our favorite story of each other is when I was three or four years old, at a party, and people were popping balloons with pins. A little later, I was running around and somehow she “accidentally” poked me with a pin. I apparently screamed very loud and was terrified. She comforted me on the foot of the stairs until I regained my composure. It seems my young mind was afraid I was going to pop like one of the balloons. She felt horrible and was worried that she had traumatized me for life. She held me in her arms and I promptly deflated, complete with the whooshing sound and wiggled to the floor. We laughed together. And so it was for many years.

Her taste in music ranged from The Cowsills to Kenny Chesney, From K.C. and the Sunshine Band to Alice Cooper and Barry Manillow. This of course inspired her beloved Mandy, the caramel colored Pekinese that was part of her life for so long.

She loved animals of all types. Cats, dogs, snakes, birds. Domesticated or wild, she appreciated them very much. Except for spiders. Otherwise, she had a certain affinity for wildlife. It dawned on me that this past March marked the 30^th anniversary of Kathi’s and my first trip to California. Dad brought us along on a business trip, first to San Francisco and then to San Diego, the place I now call home. While there, we visited the Zoo and Sea World. It was these two place in particular that I think cemented Kathi’s resolve to love animals, no matter what, because they did not treat her very well on this trip. A walrus sneezed on her, and a camel spat. She witnessed the cloud created by a beluga whale and the pile deposited by an elephant. She averted a stream from a Clydesdale horse, and whatever it was the monkeys were throwing. She was finally able to see real live Koalas, who were sound asleep. She was also the first to see a newborn polar bear emerge from its cave. Through it all, she was able to find great humor. A trait that was often repeated in her life. She didn’t take herself too seriously.

But sometimes she did. Although she was not often afraid to try new things, from exotic foods to rafting down rivers, to line dancing or skiing, or should I say, attempting to ski. She was open to experiences and didn’t like giving up. Her interests never really waned as much as were replaced by something else.

She fought demons with that same determination and resolve. Kathi could fight with passion and hold a grudge, but she also made peace. She was complex. Sometimes like a jellybean, she had a tough shell but a mushy center. To some she was more like a peach, soft on the outside with a hard to crack solid center. Either way, with Kathi, there was always sweetness.

She loved her family, particularly her nieces and nephews. She spoke of her friends often, and to her friends, she spoke of her family. Her career, as with many people, was a source of elation and frustration depending on the circumstances. Her 33 years at SunLife (an aptly named company for her disposition) provided stability, as did the countless coworkers she interacted with daily. She felt a sense of responsibility to family members, often helping with taxes, acting as chauffeur and offering her home for visits. Kathi was also an artisan who enjoyed painting, ceramics, and intricate needlework. She adored nature and frequently photographed flowers and birds. I would be remiss if I didn’t touch on her photographs of nature. I think we have all see the hawks, the seals, the buffleheads that looked suspiciously like specks of dirt on the lens. That was the dues paying, because she improved with each shot. Many of her pictures taken from the last five to ten years have been spectacular.

Kathi had fears. Spiders. Flying. Driving in Boston. And yet her fears did not prevent her from fulfilling life-long dreams of trips to Europe and Australia. Nor did it prevent her from racing me to Logan Airport during Friday rush hour on more than one occasion.

A well-wisher, in an attempt to comfort me, reminded me that Kathi’s work on Earth had finished. I disagree. I think it’s just begun. I think what she leaves behind is a catalyst for us to live a little different. We have come from distant places to be here to honor, remember, and celebrate Kathi. And to those distant places, we will return. But I can think of no reason why that means we should return to the status quo. Although in some areas of her life she was a private person, Kathi was terrific in sending a quick email or handwritten note to stay in touch with people. Let’s follow her lead. No matter how busy you are, make the time to tell others what you are doing. Send a Christmas letter, send an email, have a Hallmark moment. As our family and extended family of friends grows, let us ensure our roots are not shallow. We are often polite and don’t want to interfere in each other’s lives. I think we can stand to be a little bit nosy, and show interest. Stay connected.

Kathi, even when not at her best, was always able to find humor. I will forever remember her spontaneous joy each time she saw a hawk. I suspect she is soaring on the backs of them now, watching over us, contemplating dropping a little something on a few of us just for a good laugh.

Though she was taken from us too soon, she has given to each of us great gifts. Her humor. Her love and friendship. Her love of God’s creatures. Her spirit and passion. Smile when you think of Kathi, and grace others with kindness, as she has graced each of us.

Prepared remarks

by Karl Bimshas

July 31, 2009

What Challenges Are You Willing to Accept?

Today’s moon landing anniversary seems as good a day as any to share a little of what makes me tick.

Forty years ago, man landed on the moon. Although far too young to notice (not even a year old at the time), notions surrounding the moon have captivated me. For thousands of years prior, people would look up toward it as it hung in the sky, a symbol of our collective dreams. Early on there was fear, but soon it was replaced by wonder, imagination and greater understanding. Now, for many who look at the moon it symbolizes accomplishment. A feat our forefathers couldn’t imagine but many a grandfather got to witness. This huge achievement, not just for the United State in the midst of a space race, but for mankind with the creation of new technologies, possibility thinking, ingenuity and the celebration of success.

The moon program has shaped me indirectly in other ways. My father headed a group that worked on guidance systems. He was passed over for the Apollo assignment, something I did not know until many years later. Obviously, he felt disappointment he diligently headed a less glamorous group. In time, that group grew in influence, budget, and prestige. Eventually the Apollo program ended and members from that team joined his organization, illustrating that sometimes the less glamorous route can be more fulfilling and rewarding in the long run, despite initial disappointments. You never know.

In 1962 President Kennedy, who helped bring out the best in people by having a clear goal, uttered one of my favorite leadership quotes.

"We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. Because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills. Because that challenge is one that we're willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone and one we intend to win."

Every generation of humankind had been staring up toward the sky wondering about the moon. Then not too long ago, one of us says, let's do it, let's go there within ten years -- and we did it. A fascinating feat that illustrates just about anything is possible with vision, passion, action and a deadline.

I enjoy inspiring people who in turn inspire themselves; to help others find their strengths and see what they have to offer our joint endeavors. I help others find their vision or purpose and help them clear the path to their achievements by tearing down obstacles that are in the way. I do this partly for selfish reasons. I like how it recharges me and gives me energy, forcing me to take the focus off myself, and put it on others. It gives me the opportunity to combat the damaging effects of poor leaders, influencers, and others who abuse their power either through ignorance or through intent.

I also like measuring things. Not to see shortfalls but to see what we're capable of doing. I love to see the charts and graphs of goals and measurements of success. To see the results of common things in uncommon ways.

All this leads me to ask, on this day forty years after one of our greatest achievements. What current symbol surrounds us collectively, that can organize and measure the best of our energies and skills? If that is too broad, think of yourself and ask, what do you need to work on that is not easy, but will serve to organize and measure the best of your energies and skills? What challenges are you willing to accept, unwilling to postpone and intend to win and how can I help you?